Yu Yu Hakusho and the quest for the holy grail
by TnM aka Touya no miko
Summary: A parody of monty python with the YYH cast! Read and Review


A/N Hello and welcome to my brand new YYH fanfic! Ever since I saw Monty Python and the quest for the Holy Grail I just had to make a fanfic of it! I thought YYH was the perfect choice! Please enjoy the fic and don't forget to leave a big fat review.  
  
Cast  
  
King Arthur: Yusuke  
  
Sir Bedevere: Kurama  
  
Sir Lancelot: Hiei  
  
Sir Galahad: Koenma  
  
Sir Robin: Kuwabara (Sorry Kuwabara fans!)  
  
Extras  
  
Botan, Keiko, Yukina, Shizuru, Jin, Touya, Riku, Chuu, Shishiwakamaru, Suzuka, Bui, Ruka, Yomi, Kuroune, Youko Kurama, Random Demons, and the rest of the YYH cast.  
  
------  
  
(The scene opens with the wind blowing around the hilly ground. Out of the mist comes none other than-Yusuke, pretending to ride a horse, and his servant, Keiko, who is banging two coconuts together. They stop at a castle.)  
  
Chuu as guard: [pops head out from castle] HALT! Who goes there?!  
  
Yusuke: It is I, Yusuke Urameshi, son of the demon lord Raizen, the number one punk of Sarayashiki Junior High, and spirit detective extraordinaire.  
  
Chuu: Pull the other one!  
  
Yusuke: I am, and this is my faithful servant Keiko. We have ridden across the land in search of spirit detectives who will join me in my court at the Ningenkai. I want to talk with your lord and master.  
  
Chuu: What? Rode on a horse?  
  
Yusuke: [confused] Uh, yes.  
  
Chuu: You're using coconuts!  
  
Yusuke: [blink] Huh?  
  
Chuu: You've got two empty coconut halves and you're banging 'em together!  
  
Yusuke: So? We have ridden far and wide, through winter, the Makai, and-  
  
Chuu: Where'd you get the coconuts?  
  
Yusuke: We found them.  
  
Chuu: In the Makai? The coconuts are tropical!  
  
Yusuke: And your point is?  
  
Chuu: This is a temperate zone.  
  
Yusuke: The spirit beat may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the robin may seek warmer climes in winter, but these are not strangers to our land.  
  
Chuu: Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?  
  
Yusuke: [getting annoyed] They could be carried.  
  
Chuu: What, a spirit beast carrying a coconut?  
  
Yusuke: [through gritted teeth] It could grab it by the husk.  
  
Chuu: It doesn't matter where it grips it, it's a matter of weight ratios! A five-ounce spirit beast could not carry a one pound coconut!  
  
Yusuke: Whatever, just go tell your master that Yusuke Urameshi from the Ningenkai is here!  
  
Chuu: Well, in order to maintain air-speed velocity, a spirit beast must beat its wings 43 times a second, right?  
  
Yusuke: [vein pop]  
  
Chuu: Am I right?  
  
Yusuke: I don't give a damn!  
  
Riku: [pops up beside Chuu] It could be carried by an African spirit beast.  
  
Chuu: But not a European spirit beast, that's what I'm trying to say.  
  
Riku: But then of course...no, African spirit beasts are non-migratory.  
  
(Yusuke 'rides' away with a disgusted look on his face, while Keiko follows closely, banging coconuts. Chuu and Riku continue with their conversation.]  
  
Chuu: Yeah, they couldn't bring the coconut back anyway...  
  
Riku: But what if two spirit beasts carried it on a line?  
  
Chuu: You mean, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?  
  
Riku: [shrugs] Well, why not?  
  
------  
  
(We see three men walking through a town full of sick people. Two are pushing the cart, but the more important one is behind the cart, banging a triangle with a stick and shouting.)  
  
Youko Kurama: Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead [clang] Bring out your dead!  
  
(Someone comes out to the cart and puts a dead body on it]  
  
Youko Kurama: That will be 100 yen please. [clang] Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead!  
  
(Kuroune comes up to the cart, dragging Yomi's 'dead' body behind him. He places him on the cart.)  
  
Kuroune: Here's one.  
  
Youko: 100 yen, please.  
  
Yomi: [sits up] I'm not dead!  
  
Youko Kurama: [surprised] What?  
  
Kuroune: Nothing! Here's your 100 yen.  
  
Yomi: I'm not dead!  
  
Youko Kurama: But he says he's not dead.  
  
Kuroune: [pushes Yomi down on the cart] Yes he is!  
  
Yomi: [sits back up] I'm not!  
  
Youko Kurama: [sweatdrops] He isn't?  
  
Kuroune: [also sweatdrops] You aren't?  
  
Yomi: Well, my eyes are badly damaged, but I'm getting better.  
  
Kuroune: No you aren't. You'll be stone dead again in a moment.  
  
Youko Kurama: I can't take him like this. It's against regulations.  
  
Kuroune: Could you wait a minute then? He couldn't have come back to life for long.  
  
Youko Kurama: Nah, I got to head over to Mukuro's, she's lost nine today.  
  
Kuroune: Well, when are you coming back?  
  
Youko Kurama: Thursday.  
  
Yomi: I think I'll take a walk...  
  
Kuroune: You're not fooling anyone. Look, isn't there something you can do?  
  
(Youko Kurama looks around to see if anyone is looking. He then takes a rose out of his hair.)  
  
Youko Kurama: ROSE WHIP! [slices Yomi's head off] (Sorry Yomi fans)  
  
Kuroune: Ah, thank you.  
  
Youko Kurama: No problem. See you on Thursday.  
  
(Yusuke and Keiko "ride" by.)  
  
Kuroune: Who was that?  
  
Youko Kurama: Dunno. Must be a spirit detective.  
  
Kuroune: Why?  
  
Youko Kurama: He hasn't got shit all over him.  
  
------  
  
(Yusuke's theme music is playing in the background. Yusuke and Keiko ride up to a person covered in rags pulling a wagon. In fact the only human feature that's showing is a lock of bright red hair. Give you one guess who it is)  
  
Yusuke: Old woman!  
  
(The person turns around)  
  
Person: Man!  
  
Yusuke: Man. Sorry. What lord lives in that castle over there?  
  
Person: I'm 16!  
  
Yusuke: I- what?  
  
Person: I'm 16. I'm not old.  
  
Yusuke: Well I can't just call you 'man'.  
  
Person/Kurama: Well, you could say 'Kurama'  
  
Yusuke: I didn't know you were called 'Kurama'.  
  
Kurama: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?  
  
Yusuke: Well, sorry about the whole 'old woman' thing, but from behind-  
  
Kurama: What I object to is that you automatically treated me like an inferior!  
  
Yusuke: Well I AM king.  
  
Kurama: Oh king, eh, very nice. And how did you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our colonies. If there's ever going to be any progress with the-  
  
(Shizuru comes up)  
  
Shizuru: Kurama, there's some good filth down here [sees Yusuke] oh! How d'you do?  
  
(Shizuru and Kurama start piling mud onto a cloth)  
  
Yusuke: I'm Yusuke, number one punk of Sarayashiki Junior High. Whose castle is that?  
  
Shizuru: Number one punk of what?  
  
Yusuke: Sarayashiki Junior High.  
  
Shizuru: What the heck is Sarayashiki Junior High?  
  
Yusuke: Well, I'm king of the spirit detectives too.  
  
Shizuru: I didn't know we had a king. I thought the colonies were an autonomous collective.  
  
Kurama: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship. A self- perpetuating autocracy in which the working class-  
  
Shizuru: Oh, there you go, bringing class into it again...  
  
Kurama: But that's what it's all about! If only-  
  
Yusuke: Please, good people, I'm in a hurry. Who lives in that castle over there?  
  
Shizuru: No one lives there.  
  
Yusuke: [confused] Then who is your lord?  
  
Shizuru: We don't have a lord.  
  
Yusuke: What do you mean you don't have a lord?!  
  
Kurama: [sighs] I told you, we're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns. To act as a sort of executive officer for the week-  
  
Yusuke: [grumbles angrily]  
  
Kurama: But the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a bi- weekly meeting-  
  
Yusuke: [getting irritated with Kurama] --#  
  
Kurama: By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs-  
  
Yusuke: [dangerously] Shut up.  
  
Kurama: But by a two-thirds majority in more-  
  
Yusuke: Shut up! I order you to shut up!  
  
Kurama: Order, eh? Who do you think you are?  
  
Yusuke: KING OF THE SPIRIT DETECTIVES!!  
  
Shizuru: I didn't vote for you.  
  
Yusuke: YOU DON'T VOTE FOR KINGS!  
  
Shizuru: So how'd you become king of the spirit detectives?  
  
(Angels start singing out of no where)  
  
Yusuke: The young ruler Koenma, his large mouth sucking on his blue pacifier, came forth from the spirit world, signifying by divine providence that I, Yusuke Urameshi, was to lead the spirit detectives.  
  
(Angels stop singing)  
  
Kurama: Listen, strange baby rulers from an unknown world is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not some fascicle bad weather ceremony.  
  
Yusuke: Be quiet!  
  
Kurama: If I went around saying I was an emperor just because a thumb sucking toddler had given me the role of a spirit detective, they'd put me away!  
  
Yusuke: Shut up damn it!!! [grabs Kurama and shakes him]  
  
Kurama: Oh! Come see the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I'm being repressed!  
  
Yusuke: Damn you!!!  
  
(Keiko was able to pry Yusuke from Kurama and quickly 'rode' off, as Yusuke shouted numerous cuss words at Kurama.)  
  
Kurama: What a giveaway! You heard that! You heard that, didn't you? That's what I'm all about! Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you?  
  
Shizuru: Whatever Kurama. [piles more mud on cart]  
  
------  
  
(Time for the funniest scene ever!)  
  
(We see Yusuke and Keiko riding through the forest. The scene then cuts to a large man wearing heavy armor and a massive axe and a green knight fighting. The scenes cut back and forth for awhile, until Yusuke and Keiko reach the area where the two fighters are fighting. The big man with the axe throws his axe at his opponent, chopping him in two. The big man reaches over, gets his axe back and goes to stand in front of the nearby bridge.)  
  
Yusuke: You are very brave, sir. I'm Yusuke Urameshi, number one punk of Sarayashiki Junior High. I seek the finest and strongest fighters to join me in my court at the Ningenkai. You have proven yourself worthy. Will you join me?  
  
Bui: [does nothing]  
  
Yusuke: You're hopeless. Let's go Keiko.  
  
(They 'ride' up to the bridge. Bui doesn't move.)  
  
Bui: None shall pass.  
  
Yusuke: What?  
  
Bui: None shall pass. What are you, stupid?  
  
Yusuke: I don't have time for this, but I must cross this bridge.  
  
Bui: Then you shall die.  
  
Yusuke: I command you, as king of the spirit detectives, to stand aside!  
  
Bui: I don't move for weaklings like you.  
  
Yusuke: Fuck you then!  
  
(Bui and Yusuke start fighting, as Keiko watches from behind a tree.)  
  
Yusuke: Spirit Gun!  
  
(Blows off Bui's right arm.)  
  
Yusuke: Now stand aside!  
  
Bui: It's only a scratch.  
  
Yusuke: I blew your arm off!  
  
Bui: No you didn't.  
  
Yusuke: Then what's that?! [Motions to cut off arm]  
  
Bui: I've had worse.  
  
Yusuke: You liar!  
  
Bui: Come on, you weakling!  
  
(The two continue fighting. Yusuke blows off Bui's other arm off]  
  
Yusuke: HA! I win! [kneels] Oh Koenma, I thank you that in your- [Bui kicks him] Hey! I'm having a dramatic moment here!  
  
Bui: Come on, have at you!  
  
Yusuke: [looks at him like he's crazy]  
  
Bui: Oh, had enough, eh?  
  
Yusuke: What the-? You don't have any freakin' arms!!!  
  
Bui: Yes I do!  
  
Yusuke: Then what's that? [points to other arm on ground]  
  
Bui: Just a flesh wound.  
  
Yusuke: [sighs] Look, could you stop it?  
  
Bui: [kicking Yusuke] Chicken! Chicken!  
  
Yusuke: Spirit Gun! [blows off leg]  
  
Bui: I'll do you in for that! [tries to kick Yusuke with one leg]  
  
Yusuke: [shocked] What?!  
  
Black Knight: Come over here!  
  
Yusuke: What the hell are you going to do, bleed on me?  
  
Bui: I'm invincible!! [hops around]  
  
Yusuke: You're an idiot.  
  
Bui: I always triumph! Come on, have at you!  
  
Yusuke: Spirit Gun! [blows off other leg]  
  
Bui: [sees that he can't move] Okay, let's just call it a draw.  
  
Yusuke: [mutters] Stupid bastard, wasted my time.  
  
(Keiko and Yusuke 'ride' off)  
  
Bui: Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You weak human! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!  
  
A/N So how do you like it! Please be patient for the next chapter. Don't forget to leave a big fat review!) 


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